you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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