Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
