on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
