i don't like sucking hair
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
