Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
