The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Randomize
