So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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