??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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