You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
