if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
