I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
