He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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