If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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