the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
