Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I wear drunk well.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
