not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
