So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
