Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
