Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You dont lie about slip and slides
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
