Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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