You're completely useless in the revolution.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
