I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
