is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
