the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I cockslap morals
I've blown a few things in my day
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
