It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
