He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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