you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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