her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
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