I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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