Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
