cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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