is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
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