i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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