Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
