Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
