i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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