if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
