What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
