So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
