Only a mothe r could love this liver
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
