i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
