if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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