you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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