dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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