I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
