I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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