Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
so much tequila, so little girl.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
