Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
