she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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