I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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