I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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