cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
