I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
