i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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