so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
