overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Randomize
