I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
