OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
